My journey through Breast Cancer © Copyright 2009-2015 Barbara P. Duke All Rights Reserved. Virginia's #1 Tweeter
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Saturday, January 31, 2009
PRAISE GOD PINK
Thursday, January 29, 2009
THURSDAY EVENING PINK
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
TUESDAY EVENING PINK
I am a little nervous tonight. I spoke to the nurse at the doctor's office today and I have to be at Mary Immaculate at 9:30 in the morning for my surgery. I have been cooking and cleaning today so that I won't have to worry when I get home. Ray is a wonderful husband but not much on cleaning up. He might be spoiled just a little. He works so hard on his business that I feel that especially since I am home now, I should do the housework. I have mostly over the years anyway. When he does clean, he does a really good job, it just isn't his thing.
I didn't make it to the hospital to visit Ruby today. I just wasn't feeling too great. It was so cold outside and the cold really hurts my skin. Things are going to go well tomorrow.
I have it on good authority that there are lots of prayers being said for me and for the surgeon.
These are some of my favorite verses on healing.
1 Corinthians 12:28 NIV
And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues.
1 Corinthians 12:28 NIV
And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues.
I have these little cards that I pass out to new people I meet, but I also have them all over my house. They say : Philippians 4:13 NIV "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."
This has been an unusual experience. Tomorrow, when I come out of surgery, I expect to hear good news. I expect a miracle. But, if God chooses not to do it tomorrow, that is okay, He will keep me safe because before the world was made he knew my name and when it is all gone, I will be there in heaven with Him and my family. I am believing for His best.
Bedtime.
Lord, protect those who need your protection, protect those who ask for your protection and keep my brothers and sisters in Christ safe in body and in mind. Lord, protect their families and friends. Lord open the eyes of those who don't know you so that they can see your loving kindness. Lord, protect me from evil and guide the surgeon's hands. I ask these things in your Son's precious name, Amen.
Check for a word tomorrow night if they let me come home and my surgery isn't too extensive. It is on the right side and I am right handed. Love to All!!!!!
TUESDAY MORNING PINK
VERSE: "Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; worship the LORD in the splendor of his holiness. " -- Psalm 29:2
THOUGHT: Giving glory, ascribing glory, is not an easy thing for us to do. Let's admit it. We're much more used to asking from God rather than blessing God and calling others to him. So let's use the rest of this week to pray prayers of thanksgiving and praise, glorifying God's holy name.
PRAYER: Father, you are marvelous and magnificent beyond my description and understanding. Thank you for sending Jesus to help me catch a glimpse of your glory. Thank you for sustaining me and those I love. I thank you in Jesus' name. Amen. (http://www.heartlight.org/)
This was especially poignant to me this morning. I didn't have a good night. I had a headache and it actually hurt to lay my head on the pillow. I ended up sitting and sleeping in Ray's recliner for a couple of hours until he got up at 6 a.m. Then I laid down on the bed for an hour or so. It was a painful headache, but once I settled into the chair, I prayed for relief and for some friends that are going through difficult times. Then I was able to relax and dose off.
Our neighbor, Bobby Morris, passed away on Sunday. He was a very nice man. He made beautiful lighthouses after his retirement. Some of them are on display at the Mariner's Museum here in Newport News. He made me a swing a few years ago and it is at our NC home to go up on the front porch this year. I am praying for comfort for his family. Bobby had a 3-year bout with cancer, but he was out in his shop as much as he could. I spoke with him last summer. He was telling me about his illness.
All of a sudden, I felt that tugging of my heart and I asked him "Do you know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior?" He answered, "Yes, Ma'mm, I do!" I was able to share this with his wife and son yesterday. They knew, but I think the confirmation was comforting.
I have got to get my bedroom cleaned up and straightened out today. Hopefully, I won't have to stay in bed much after the surgery, but it would be nice if it was neat if I have visitors.
I really won't mind having visitors. Everyone who comes to visit will be on the blog (if they agree).
My good friend, Debbie Hancock, called last night to let me know about the XanGo meeting last Saturday. John Godsich was the main speaker. He spoke about how his parents were liberated from the Auswich Concentration Camp after WWII. His family went through so much and were finally allowed into the US and settled in Texas. What a difference in climate that is!
Susan Sprouse encouraged Debbie to tell me to drink a half a bottle of XanGo every day, which I am already doing. Besides, it really tastes good and gives me more energy. Helps me keep my positive outlook.
Donna Clingingpeel at Temple Baptist Church sent me a wonderful email last night. " Barbara: Perhaps this is what God has for you in His plan. You said in our class of discernment that you felt God wanted you to be a motivational speaker to women. This may be that very platform and with out going through it you would not know how to relate. Keep your eye on the Father, tell him all your fears and he will not leave you nor forsake you. You are claimed for His own. I have the faith to believe the existence before it happens... You will be ok through this!" Donna is such a wonderful believer.
I had a call from Bettie Young. She had gone through this many years ago and was very encouraging. She is such a lovely woman and I appreciate so much her council. Bettie is in my Sunday Bible Class. All the members of my class have been so wonderful. I have had hugs from Ann Glover, Judy & Mark Gatlin, Clara Hughes, Ruth McCormick. . . .
Kitty Turner called me last night to see how I was doing. I stop at the Chesapeake every week and pick her and Dorothy Riley up and take them to church for dinner. They are both 86 years old and they are so sweet to me. They are always saying they are imposing on me and that gas is so expensive and I don't have to take them. I tell them, they are my ministry. Also, gas is cheaper if three people are in the car, versus one. I love them both so much; they feel like family.
I also notice that Kathryn Oder signed up for the blog. Thanks, Kathryn. You are AWESOME!!!
Got to get up from here and get things together for surgery tomorrow. Pray for me. Check me out on Facebook and I will pray for you. I am keeping a positive attitude and letting God use me as He has a vision for me.
I really appreciate my sister, Jan. She has gone through this and has been a real rock for me. She welcomed a new granddaughter yesterday. I know that she is a busy person. This has been an earth-shaking trauma, but through it all, I have been able to focus on the Lord and he has given me peace. Keep up the good prayers. Please keep my mother, Bertha, in your prayers. She was recently diagnosed with diabetes and she in need of prayer also. (Not to mention, her daughter is having surgery.) I will try to write more later today. Yours in Christ, Barbara
Monday, January 26, 2009
PRETTY PINK THOUGHTS
I am their Nana and Ray is their Papa. We have a house near them in NC and spend the weekend about once a month. Our spare room is our room for painting, crafts, games, puzzles, etc. They have a whole wall they can paint on and what a picture it is. They are 6 years old and so smart. They are reading a grade or two ahead of the first grade.
At Christmas, we have Santa Baker's Hats (as you can see in the picture). We baked chocolate chip cookies and some really large ones for Santa. Christmas at their house is really special for me. This year, my son, Jeff came and stayed at Rhonda's to be Santa's helper. They really love their Uncle Jeff.
I decided it was time to call Jeff and let him know what is going on. I could hear the catch in his breath when I said the "C" word. We had a wonderful conversation. We were estranged for a few years and are becoming closer by baby steps. I cannot tell you how proud I am of him. He is 35 and really has his act together. He is the barber at a Spa in New Bern. He is doing so well; he has a lovely home, nice car, lots of friends, but the most important thing about Jeff is that he loves the Lord. He was baptized a couple of years ago and has been working with Upward Basketball at his church. He has become the man I always prayed he would be.
What more could a mother ask for? I have two Christian children, both are active in their church's ministry. Rhonda helps out by teaching Sunday School to the little ones. She lead Bible School in her church last summer and may again this year. She is such a good wife and mother. She spend so much time with her children, teaching them and guiding them. She is a good friend to her friends and keeps their children when needed. She is a sweet woman and I am proud of her as well. I think one of the things that is such an ease on this mother's mind is that I know that my children will be in Heaven with me forever. I am pretty sure the twins will be too. They are already speaking of Jesus and how much they love Him. It is a wonderful thing to hear. Some day, my son-in-law will make that public committment.
MONDAY MORNING PINK
8:00 - It is a beautiful day, even though the sun doesn't seem to be out. I am believing for Sunshine!
11:30 - Ray Wilson called and he is coming with his wife Juanita. They are bringing his prayer partner from Richmond. Ray says he is a strong man of God and has an awesome testimony of prayer. I am looking forward to meeting him.
11:40 - Peggy White just called from church and Miss Ruby is doing well and came through her surgery.
12:00 - Ray Wilson arrived with Juanita and Jim Corker. My Ray came out of the office and joined us. Jim shared his healing testimony. He was diagnosed with cancer and had surgery. The doctors ran so many tests on him but could not figure out why they couldn't find anything in his lymph nodes. It was a wonderful testimony. I am not sure that I can remember it exactly as he said it. The importance of the whole thing is that he is cancer-free and had become a prayer warrior for others. G0d can change our whole world and lead us to do things that we never thought we could do. He also talked about others he had prayed for that miracles had happened. It was a very enlightening experience. They prayed for Ray and me since we are one in our lives with God. We do not claim the cancer the doctors say that I have. The Lord will use me to witness to others, just as these Godly people
Ray Wilson's healing scriptures. (Forgive me Ray, I changed to NIV)
- 2 Timothy 1 -7 -For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
- Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
- Malachi 3:6 - I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed.
- Hebrews 13:8 - Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
- James 5: 14-15 - Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.
- Romans 12:3 - For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.
- Matthew 17:20 - "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. "
- Mark 10:27 - Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."
- Proverbs 4:22 - for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body.
- Proverbs 3:1-2, 8 - 1. My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, 2. for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.
8. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. - Psalms 107:20 - He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.
- Jeremiah 30:17 - But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the Lord, 'because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.'
- Hebrews 11:6 - And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
James 2:17 - In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
3 John 2:2 - Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.
Psalms 103:2-5 - Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--3. who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4. who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, 5. who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
This is awesome and I will read every day for health. I appreciate Ray, Juanita, and Jim so much for coming to pray for us. It put my heart on wings of eagles. I gave Jim one of my drawings. My drawings have a recurring theme. His drawing is a large kind of psychedelic Cross. Thank you dear friends!
After everyone left, I started to blog, but got so cold and then felt so tired, I went and turned on my electric blanket, curled up, and took a 2 hour nap. When I woke, Ray was fixing a can of noodles or something. It wasn't much, so I gave him some of my chicken soup. It was really good and just what we needed.
So far, through this, I feel so much the gifting of each day to us. We should always thank the Lord every morning for this beautiful day in His world.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
SUNDAY PINK!
Ruby Gilbert is having heart surgery Monday morning and she even prayed for me on the phone at church. I saw her this morning and we hugged and hugged. She sure is spry for her 83 years.
I have received cards from Linda Hoffler, Judy Brett, Helga Dietrich, and one from Agape II Class. I think almost every adult Bible class prayed for me this morning. Since I am on the Welcome Committee, I stayed busy hugging this morning while passing out bulletins. One of the most awesome things that happened this morning was the sermon. Tag Kilgore preached on "Prayer." He is a wonderful preacher. We all love him so much.
I felt so loved this morning. It gave me a much more positive outlook. After church, Ray took me to Cheddar's. I ordered a pot pie and salad. I brought most of it home with his hot chicken fingers.
When Glen and Mary Oder came into the church this morning, Mary brought me a Christmas gift from Kathryn. Kathryn was in Peru for 7 months and we shared a lot of emails, a lot of prayers, and good thoughts. The gift was a pair of small bells that look like little Peruvian People. They are so precious to me because of the sweet Christian young woman who gave them to me. She is in town, but was speaking at another church today. I owe her a lunch soon. She was so wonderful. Even though she was there in Peru, with all the things going on in her life, she prayed for me. Mary said she is looking for a job. I hope she finds one this week. She is getting married in June, I think.
I have had a few emails, but I haven't sent out my blog address to people who are not on Facebook yet. I feel at peace about this today, much more stable than I felt yesterday. Ray Wilson told me to check in the back of the Bible for healing verses. I will do that now and get blog some more later. Yours in Christ!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
SATURDAY'S PINK
Dr. Hopson was very nice and said that my tumor was malignant without any expression at all. I don't think it hit me at first and I just looked at him and heard loud buzzing in my head. The tears burst forth and he tried to comfort me. All the while, I heard voices from the past saying, "Don't cry, Barbara, be a good girl and don't let people see you cry." I never really listened to them before, but this day I did. I got myself together and made the arrangements with the nurse for my visit to the hospital on the 28th.
When I got to the waiting room, Ray was there and he could see from my big red nose and red eyes what was going on. He put out his arms and just held me awhile. We went home and I think I was in a little daze for a while. I called my sister, Jan, in Florida. She went through a double mastomectomy a few years ago. I had called her before and she knew why I was calling when she got my message and called me back later.
In the meanwhile, I called my mother in Kentucky. My little mother who has gone through the death of her younger son, and now a second daughter with breast cancer. It was so hard to tell her, but this wasn't something I could keep from her. She isn't just my mother, she is my best friend. I have told her everything I thought and did in the past few years. Even though we don't see each other quite enough, we talk three or four times a week. Cell phones are wonderful.
My daughter, Rhonda, in North Carolina was stunned with the news. I think this has shown her that she should go to the doctor and get a mammagram ASAP.
I must say that the most supportive person has been my husband. Ray is so wonderful. I tell him all the time that he is the man I prayed for. God is Good, All the Time.
I spoke with my Bible Study teacher's wife, Ann, and she called the rest of the class. Today, I received two cards already. So far I am on the prayer list at First Baptist Church, Temple Baptist Church, and a Lutheran Church. I keep saying to myself "I can do all thing through Christ, who strengthens me." I have these little cards and they are stuck on every mirror in the house.
I have so many things going on right now. I retired the end of last September. I am a distributor for Mary Kay, Independent Distributor for the National Companies, a 1K independent distributor for XanGo, and I am trying to learn my husband's business, Lien Processing Services LLC. Not to mention, now I am blogging. Blogging is for me, so I can keep focused. I promise to be faithful and report the feelings and thoughts as we go along. For those who haven't read a blog before, you have to go to the last post on the page (which is actually the first post). We can all figure this out together.
I should have been at a informational meeting at the Marriott today for XanGo, but I am a little depressed. After we went to the hospital for the blood tests and EKG, we went to Langley BX and picked up a few things. Then we came home and had roast beef and brown rice. Now I am so tired, I think it is time for bed. Tune in tomorrow for more from the mad house. Love to all.
More Pink
I love pink and actually look terrific when I wear it. I never thought it could become a nemisis for me. I was always tempted by very bold basic colors: black, white, red, green, navy. I think at 60 years of age, I have entered my pastel stage. Have you ever wondered why older women mostly wear pastels? Pastels reflect light and soften the edges. This is what we try to do with make-up, soften the lines and reflect the light. When I first heard that phrase, I pictured radience so bright that no one could see my face at all. What a strange thought.
Most of my life, I have worn black. Someone told me that it helped hide the pounds. It may do that to some extent, but when the black becomes the size of a pup tent, I think that hiding anything is impossible. Since I was over 100 lbs overweight at one time, I know how difficult it is to hide that kind of problem. Maybe camoflage would have been better, and I like green. Now that the weight is under control (somewhat), I am retired, I get the Big C. Doesn't seem quite fair, but who said life is fair?
Marcus Pittman, a friend from the John Leland Center for Theological Studies sent me this link. It is so awesome. It is an article by John Piper about using cancer to witness for Christ.
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2006/1776_Dont_Waste_Your_Cancer/
Strange, but it gave me a real sense of peace when I read it. Sometimes we need to remember that God is in control, not us. We just need to turn it over to Him.
This is from a paper that I wrote at Leland.
There are a lot of times that I wonder exactly what my calling is.
I am the one that people call to pray for them or their loved ones.
I am the one who prays for people I see each day, who I feel need help from the Lord.
I am the one that gives the homeless money.
I am the one who gives ladies on corners, waiting for buses, a ride.
I am the one who listens when someone needs a person to talk to.
I am the one who brightens someone’s day with a kind word and a smile.
I am the one who helps stop a child’s tears in a store with words of kindness.
I am the one who drives someone to the doctor when they need it.
I am the one who drives ladies to church for supper and prayer every Wednesday night.
I am the one who comforts someone who has lost a loved one.
I am the one who is there for someone whose loved one is very sick or in surgery.
I am the one at the hospital checking up on members of the church.
I am the one who purchases craft items to encourage people to help others.
I am the one who will be a best friend when there is a need.
I am the one who contributes to missions, near and far.
I am the one who greets guests and members on Sunday.
I am the one who loves all I meet, no matter what they have done.
I am the one who comforts the sinner when they are down.
I am the one who comes up with ideas to help as many people as possible.
I am the one who holds the hand of someone who is dispirited.
I am the one who loves my family with all my heart.
I am the one who speaks to strangers about Christ.
I am the one who asks the dying neighbor, “Do you know the Lord Jesus Christ?”
This may sound very egotistical, but when I consider who the great “I AM” is, I am just called to help others in His place. Everywhere I used the words “I am” was when the Lord was whispering in my ear with his everlasting love for mankind.
The Lord changed my life in so many ways. I actually think of others before myself.
When He asks that I speak up for those who can’t speak for themselves, I will.
When He asks that I comfort others, I will.
When He asks that I pray for others, I will.
When He asks that I contribute, I will.
When He asks that I heal in His name, I will.
When He asks me to help the poor, I will.
When He asks me to live my life with Him in mind always, I will.
When He asks me to defend the faith, I will.
One of my passions is to become a motivational speaker for women’s groups and write,
And, if it is His will, I will. - Barbara Duke - 26 August 2008
Friday, January 23, 2009
Unexpected Pink
I have been getting progressively interested in art. My mother is an artist and has made some beautiful oils and watercolors. I guess I am taking after her in that way as I have in so many other things. It is almost like I was cloned.
Saturday dawned all sunny and I was looking forward to a beautiful day. Ray and I decided that we might make a run to Costco or Sam's Club. When I was getting ready, after my shower, I noticed some stray hairs on my chest. This happens when women get older. I went to pull one out and felt a bump on my breast. I went to the bathroom and rubbed soap on it and could feel it even better. I thought it was only a cyst but decided that I would call in and get an appointment for a mammogram on Monday since I was about six months overdue.
My doctor's nurse had made me an appointment for a surgeon on the next Thursday. The doctor is a very nice and after he made me comfortable, he proceeded to take two biopsies. That was a totally unpleasant and uncomfortable experience. I went home to think about the possibilities.