Thursday, June 20, 2013

Survivor Reconstruction Pink

Wasted Time!
I finally decided to have breast reconstruction. If you are a regular reader, you know that it has been 4 years since I had the surgery to remove the cancer in my breast. I don't know why I thought that it wouldn't matter to me. I even remember saying to someone "It doesn't really matter to me. I am married and I don't ever plan to marry anyone else. My husband says that it doesn't matter to him either."

Then, I remember the times I got out of the shower and could not look at myself. I wouldn't let Ray see it either. I decided last year to go to the doctor and have the reconstruction done, but I missed the appointment. I think that I subconsciously missed it because I was afraid.

I have had so many issues with the Rheumatoid Arthritis and sometimes even felt like I wouldn't live another year like this. I think I have been using the RA not to get the surgery. I have tried to keep busy with writing, tweeting, blogging, posting to Facebook, Pinterest, Empire Avenue, etc. Sometimes I can not get out of the house. I have started taking more Prednisone and it certainly helps. The problem with larger doses of Cortisone is that they can make for brittle bones.

I have been so fortunate to find friends on the different areas of Social Media. Everyone has been so supportive through all my illnesses, that I don't know how I will ever repay the kindnesses. I know, prayer works. The Prayer Room is open, if you need prayer or need someone to share with, let me know and we can get in touch and pray it down.

The surgery is scheduled for July 31st. The doctor says that it will be day-surgery and I will be able to come right home a couple of hours after the surgery. It will be at the hospital, not in his office. The really good news is that he said he will lift the other breast to match the surgery.

It really is weird that women (me) are so wrapped up in what we look like that even when a body part that is covered most of the time is damaged, we begin to feel that we are really damaged and no one would want to be with us because we are not "whole." I am being honest here. I feel bereft of my breast. I saw some pictures of the same kind of surgery they are doing on me, and it looked really good, and almost normal.

I just keep telling myself: