Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Girls are Back in Town!

3-D nipple tattooReconstruction #2 brought the "Girls" back in line. Thank you, Lord. The only thing left now is the tattoo. Funny, I always said that I would never get a tattoo. First, they gave me 2 blue dots when I had radiation, and now I am going to get a nipple. They say that the results are amazing.  Do I have to be awake for this? Will they make it look like a butterfly if I want? I found this picture on a breast reconstruction website, so don't get all excited thinking it is me. Mine should look a little better since I don't have a big scar. Something I had not expected, but the plastic surgeon moved the nipple on the left and I still have feeling in it. When he did a tummy tuck in 2002, I lost all feeling in my stomach below my waist. I can give myself shots without even flinching.

The amazing thing is that they are C-cup. I could have had larger, but I prefer for people to look at me in the eyes instead of my chest. I have had to wear a bra since the surgery, but soon I will be able to go without one if I want. They are back where they were when I was twenty and it is amazing. I can get a normal swimsuit again. Now I cannot imagine why I waited 4 years to have this done. I was under the impression that it really did not matter. I am married to the last husband I will ever have and the only other people who will actually see my chest are doctors and nurses.

I cannot even explain how this has made me feel. I feel whole again. I had no idea that it would give me this feeling of validation. Somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, I must have concluded that I was no longer a real woman. If you think about it, we are in a society that makes us feel less than whole if we have imperfections.

I do not remember, but I think I explained that the cancer in my breast was not hereditary, but environmental. Be careful about what chemicals are in your home, your workplace, places where you visit, for any length of time. I worked in a sick building at Langley Air Force Base. There was a bay door in the warehouse that the communications squadron left open on a regular basis. Pigeons would  fly into the rafters and poop on top of our building. Our air condition was on our roof and the drain pan would get stopped up, overflow into the wall by my desk. It was always damp, The water was filtered through the pigeon poop, which can lead to all kinds of problems. There was one desk in the big room that had a hole in the wall where they had removed a plug or something. Everyone who sat in that position, contracted cancer, and passed away (3 people). I guess I am the one who is lucky to still be here.